Heavenly Misogyny

My life began with patriarchal Mormon mythology. God, the Father, exclusively ordains men with the highest levels of divine authority as prophets, seers, and revelators. And God, my Father, commands me to obey His laws, teachings, and doctrine, which He reveals exclusively to men. And God, the Father, King of Kings, demands I follow the male prophets’ words for each and every decision in my life from my underwear to identity formation to media choices to beverage options to who I marry. God decrees my entire life- ideals, career, politics, family planning, sexuality, clothing, morality, education, opinions, ethics, spirituality, self-worth, meaning, friendships, knowledge, beliefs and my divinely ordained role- shall be controlled by men. God’s divine will ordains the subservience and subjugation of women through patriarchy. 

The LDS church sugarcoats their sexism to sell it as salvation, packaging this message in platitudes and hollow praise. Oh, prophets croon, women, by which they mean mothers, are angels sent from above. My cherubic mother, my saintly mother, she raised 12 kids and never complained once. She cooked every meal, swept every floor, handled every bedtime, she erased her sense of autonomy until she felt zero delineation from us, her children. She felt fulfilled in the service of her husband. She eliminated her needs, identity, and desires. Such an example of Christlike charity. A selfless woman, we love her, we celebrate her, we sustain her, so long as she remains an egoless servant to patriarchy. This archetype of Mormon womanhood, Mormon motherhood, affronted my moral sensibility. In the unfathomable expanse of eternity, could it be that women served such a singular purpose?

As a good Mormon girl, I sought answers from the Lord. I read and reread D&C 132 (an additional Mormon scripture), the gospel topics essays on polygamy, feminist Mormon blogs, the words of founding prophets Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, and any general conference talk given about women. Brigham said, “The woman is the glory of the man. What is the glory of the woman? It is her virginity, until she gives it into the hands of the man that will be her lord and master to all eternity”. He also said, “Women have no souls – that they are not responsible beings, that they cannot save themselves, nor be saved except through man’s intervention”. The Latter Day Saint Basic Manual for Women says, “A Latter-day Saint wife, whether her husband is a member or nonmember, active or less active, can be a companion and helpmeet to him… President N. Eldon Tanner said: “Women, you are of great strength and support to the men in your lives, and they sometimes need your help most when they are least deserving”. 

In a talk entitled “The Women’s Movement: Liberation or Deception” Thomas S. Monson bemoans the agenda of Feminism, namely the demands for “free abortion, child care, and equal employment”. He asserts real liberation comes from “sustaining your husband, strengthening your home, and serving your God”, by which he meant staying at home to raise children. My bishop counseled that life would be full of trials such as my future husband losing his job or perhaps a struggle with infertility for me. Spencer W. Kimball believed if a woman did not fight a sexual assailant “with all her strength and energy” she would be “guilty of unchastity”. When the Lone Peak Seminary president sexually assaulted a 16-year-old-girl who came to him with her faith struggles, my seminary teacher insisted his former colleague was "a really good guy" and "she wanted it more than they let on in the news”. When Joseph Smith's marriage proposal to the already married 19-year old Nancy Rigdon was rejected he wrote her a letter wherein he insists her eternal happiness depended upon her acceptance of his proposal to be his 11th wife.

In D&C 132 God, my Heavenly Father, commanded Joseph to take many “wives and concubines”. To Joseph's wife Emma, God, my loving Father said, “And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God… But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed”. My Father in Heaven continues, “And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified. But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment”. I spent sleepless nights begging my God in Heaven for guidance or insight. If the Mormon church was true, then D&C 132 was not a fabrication, and Joseph Smith was a loyal servant to God… I could only conclude that God despised women. My Heavenly Father viewed women as chattel for breeding. Misogyny ruled the Heavens.

These doctrinal teachings primed me for abuse from men. The madonna/whore complex my ex-boyfriend forced me into came straight from the mouth of God, right? When a man a month off his mission sexually assaulted me after I told him I wasn’t a virgin, I kept it to myself. I believed his comfort mattered more than my safety, and after all I wasn't "pure", so I must be to blame. Even after leaving the church, the belief that my salvation depended on the love and approval of men stowed away in my subconscious. I erased my selfhood to become their ideals: hyper-sexualized, hyper-feminine, needless, cool girl intellectual. I dismissed poor behavior, disrespect, and coercion. I starved myself and bleached my hair and lied about my love of Taylor Swift. Men continued to control my life, but this was different I swore. I couldn’t be subservient because I orgasmed. I was empowered. I swore to god I was empowered. Please someone, some-man, just tell me who to be to be loved. Please save me. Please give me a purpose. Please empower me.

Women healed me: the lyrics of Florence Welch, the activism of Gloria Steinem, the prose of Sylvia Plath, the poetry of Mary Oliver, the wisdom of Maya Angelou, the fearlessness of Glennon Doyle, the research of Brené Brown, the ethics of bell hooks, the music of Allison Russell, the abiding absolute love within me. Gender non-conforming people, like Alok, taught me the freedom of expanding beyond binary views of gender. Female friendships buoyed my self-esteem and created abiding community. Nevertheless, the terror of patriarchy still structures society. While I no longer believe in heavenly misogyny, millions continue to believe Women’s oppression is divine ordinance. Patriarchy contaminates our world from healthcare to language, but I am decolonizing myself from this rot. It no longer wields psychic dominion in my mind. The power of Women, our recklessness and tenderness, our wildness and divination, our freedom and rebellion, our nurturance and creativity, created a healing salve for the disempowerment of my religious heritage. The dissonance between my innate sense of power and my religious powerlessness nearly drove me to insanity. Ultimately, my intrinsic Feminine power proved to be the salvation which Mormonism swore could only be obtained through men.